


I Must Find Him Again

by entropicangels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3194870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entropicangels/pseuds/entropicangels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has just been attacked by angels after becoming human and is doing everything he can to get to Dean. This was written in one sitting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Must Find Him Again

Castiel curled and uncurled his sweaty, bloody fists. His hands ever so slightly shook with the effort. He limped along the winding road, leaving drops of blood in his wake. The Fallen Angel’s dark hair was matted with the red stuff; his own.

The sky was cloudy; the Angel radio was eerily silent. Castiel assumed they had stopped communication through those means just to throw him off even further. They, the angels, were trying to find him. They believed him to be the cause of everything. Some of it was true, perhaps even all of it. But surely, they wouldn’t consider killing him. He was trying so very hard to fix all of his mistakes. Not only for his sake, but for Dean.  


Despite the pain, Castiel needed to power through his now human weaknesses to get back to Dean. Sam, about the only thing Dean truly fights for in this world, is sick and dying. If he could Castiel would heal Sam ten thousand times over if it would mean Dean would trust him again.

Castiel collapsed to the pavement, the shock of it making his teeth clank together. He spat, and saw red hit the road in front of him. He would not let himself bleed out without first doing everything he could for Dean.  
Mustering about all the strength he could, Castiel used his arms to push himself up off the ground. Stumbling a bit, and then righting himself, he moved on.  
***

Coming upon a gas station, Castiel couldn’t help but smile. Leaning on the door frame for support, he pushed open the door and went inside. He flinched at the bell and was immediately blinded by the florescent lights.

Bright. Pain. Grin. Evil. Must. Remember. Stop. Hurts. Deserved.

Castiel opened his blue eyes and blinked several times. The flashbacks, they have been coming more frequently. Every time they were triggered, he would see all the mistakes, terror and pain he caused. Then it would wipe away with the pain that came from his time with Naomi. He feared that soon he would be trapped inside these visions, forever hurting, killing… No, he thought.

He crashed into the front counter, scaring the sickly teen who sat behind it reading a comic book.

“A phone,” Castiel rasped. “I need to use your phone. NOW.”

“T-the phone in here is for employee use only,” replied the teen, whose name tag read ‘Ripley.’ “There’s a payphone outside…”

Castiel slammed his fists down so hard that the glass counter beneath them shattered. “It’s an emergency!”

The teen handed the phone to Cas with shaky hands. Snatching the phone from his grasp, Cas slowly dialed.

It took him until the phone started ringing when Castiel realized that he had no idea what to say. He had said everything he could to Dean countless times, wanting him desperately to forgive him.

“Hey,” said Dean from the other end.

“Dean I-”

“This is Dean’s other-other-other cellphone. You know what to do.”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Dean. This is Castiel. Please, listen to me. I know what you’re going to say and always have said, but just listen to me for a moment. I’ve made mistakes. Not just mistakes, but major betrayals, deeds of mistrust and basically everything under the sun. Or above it, I’m not sure how that cliché goes. But, the reason I am calling you is that… I care. I want to help, both you and Sam, but I can’t. The angels, they’re hunting you and I down because of me. I’m human now and I… can’t do anything anymore. I’m a useless as a human and even more useless as an angel.”

Castiel’s vision blurred as he spoke, and he felt hot tears wash down his face. He wiped them off and looked down at his wet hand and started laughing.  
“I’m crying. I’ve never shed a tear since… well, that’s another great story for another time. What you said before? I understand that now. I need you too. I have never loved anyone, especially a being of man, as much as I do you. There, I said it.”

Castiel looked down at the shattered glass puncturing his knuckles.

“When you get this Dean, please know that I am doing everything I can to get to you to…help Sam. I just hope you get to hear this… and I’m sorry.”

He handed the phone back to the boy, who collapsed to the ground. Castiel screamed in pain as a stake impaled him from behind.

“Dean Winchester will be next,” said a gruff voice.

The Fallen Angel pulled the stake back as Castiel fell to the ground, the scraps that has become of his trench coat wrapping him in a bloody shroud.

Faintly, before his eyes closed for perhaps the final time, Castiel could hear, “We’re sorry; due to an unexpected event your voicemail has not been recorded. Hang up and try your call again.”  


**Author's Note:**

> A.N.
> 
> I would like to thank Matt for reading this and giving me an honest review when I first wrote it, way back in early 2014. I would also like to thank cocktail-party-in-an-abbattoir on tumblr (never gonna stop thanking you Kate!) for inviting me to this lovely site!


End file.
